Me giving myself advice column 1

18 Jul

Hey Zoë!

I heard you’re awesome at giving advice and also a great friend and fabulous lover. A friend told me. So the other night I was at this bar and this total hottie was flirting with me.  He even kissed me on the cheek goodbye which like means we’re going to like get married or at least over the shirt. But I texted him the next day. I said “Sorry for thinking you were gay and then proceed to hit on you aggressively. Good times. We should get a drink sometime.” He didn’t respond which can only mean one thing. He gave me a fake name, fake number and Lee Brooks didn’t actually go to Brown. He isn’t 24 and the whole thing is a lie.*  I mean, I’m so hot and likeable, all of my moms say so. Also, I have this semi-succesful blog that my Grandma reads which isn’t awkward that she’s reading this HI GRANDMA! Why would he give me a fake name?

Signed,

So sick and tired

*If you are reading this, Lee Brooks, and that is your name and you did go to Brown, I can forgive you, baby. I will also take your name off the internet. Also, you owe me over the shirt. Also, like…are you a hipster or not I’m kind of confused.

Dear So sick and tired,

Sorry that you’re single but it really sounds like you have problems bigger than Lee Brooks.* You need to take a step back and look at your relationship with men. Men that you meet in bars have only one thing on their mind, and apparently it isn’t sex with you. So, forget about Lee Brooks.** After all, men are like candy, you think it’d be fun to work at their store but then you get fat and can’t eat any more candy. 

Best of luck,

Zoë

*Again, if you are reading this, sorry if that is your real name. This is, after all, an elaborate plot to get you to do over the shirt with me. Hi Grandma!

**I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU BABY

2 Responses to “Me giving myself advice column 1”

  1. see dee July 29, 2012 at 10:59 am #

    I’ll over the shirt with you and then make you a sandwich 😉

    • madamezooble July 29, 2012 at 11:06 am #

      i know you’re charlotte

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