Men and groups of men who are out of my league

30 Jul

1. Construction workers

Based solely on the fact that I’ve never been sexually harassed by a construction worker, I think they are probably uninterested in my kind. Aren’t construction workers supposed to hit on me constantly? Whatever, fuck you guys.

2. Steve Harvey

“Who the fuck are you?” would probably be how Steve Harvey responded to me.

3. Henry VIII

He’s my favorite ❤ (See my face morphed with the faces of Henry VII’s wives)

4. Apple Geniuses

They just have giant sticks up their iButts. These two look like total fembots.

5.  Not this boy I had a crush on for 2 years

I blurred out his face. I’m a gem.

6. Friends of friends (and Friends)

A category that should be ripe with sexual prospects has turned up dry. 

7. Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto

I would assume he isn’t interested.

8. Marines

The few, the proud, the uninterested in Jewish girls

9. Fans of things

Most men are fans of things. 

10. Elmer Fudd

The speech impediment thing probably attracts a lot of women. Women love a good lisp. 

11. The attractive man I saw on the subway today that I thought was eyeing me but was just looking at the subway map directly behind my head.

He didn’t look like Mario Lopez.

12. Subway Jared

His last name is Fogle. (Projected NY Times crossword clue in 2027)

13. Doctors/Lawyers/Men in real estate/ Men Without Hats (the band)

You may know them from their one-hit wonder “The Safety Dance” (Not going to be a crossword clue)


14. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

This is the 3rd time I’ve Googled him in 24 hours. I am sad to say, he is out of my league. I might be in love with him? Fo sho in love with him. Ugh. Life is hard. 

15. Men with soul patches

I could probably land one night with this guy, now that I think about it.

16. The Situation

I don’t think he’d be into my overall schtick but hey, never say never, RIGHT? RIGHT?!?!?!

17. Not this other boy I had a crush on for 2 years

I accidentally made him look like the unabomber. (It is apparently not spelled ‘unibomber’)

18. The unabomber

America’s most wanted for a reason. (I should write the Unabomber’s OKCupid profile)

19. Straight men who frequent gay bars

I don’t know if this is actually a thing, but they are definitely out of my league. Daniel Craig?

20. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

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2 Responses to “Men and groups of men who are out of my league”

  1. jessicacabot July 31, 2012 at 12:14 am #

    You are the best.

    • madamezooble July 31, 2012 at 4:04 am #

      these feelings are real

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