Alternative names for famous people

2 Aug

So Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion. Here are some suggestions for other celebrities.

1. Willow Smith—> John Smith

Willow is a little hard to relate to. If you want to be famous, you gotta keep it relatable, Willow.

John Smith

2. Marco Polo —-> Tag

Tag is a better game.

Sorry, you aren’t my type.

3. Madonna —-> Boob Cone

You are what you eat, Madonna.

This is a cake of a Madonna nip slip. Google search “madonna boob” for more info.

4. Mark Zuckerberg —> Literally anything is better than the last name “Zuckerberg”

I can’t believe how rich you are considering your last name.

5. Keira Knightley —> Natalie Portman

She’s doing better right now.

About 12,700,000 results for “keira knightley natalie portman”

6. Sir Mix-A-Lot—-> Sir Mixed-One-Song

Am I right?!

7. Leonardo Dicaprio —-> Leo DCAP Lion

It’s time to start your rap career.

fake tan fo sho

8. Suri Cruise —> Lol that shit sucks

Listen, Suri. You are going to plagued by the “Cruise” name forever, no matter what you do. You might as well take an administrative role in your decisions, cut that cord, be your own person who is exactly like your mother and not your father.

9. Fred Flintstone —-> Fred Microchip

It’s time.

My legs don’t work like this.

10. Vanilla Ice —-> Manilla Ice

A more sophisticated name, for a more sophisticated folder.

This horse is named “manilla ice”

11. Joseph Gordon-Levitt —>  Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Never change baby.

12. David Bowie —-> David

You could pull a Madonna and it’d be chill. Just “David.” It has a nice ring to it.

13.  Diddy —-> Puff Daddy

Vintage is in.

This guy throws great parties

14. John Platt (is my high school English teacher who once called me stupid) —-> John Doucheface Fatwad

REVENGE IS A BITCH, JOHN. I know he isn’t famous but I hate his stupid doucheface fatwad.

Whatever, John. Your relationship with Edgar Allan Poe is unhealthy and freaky. Also, your quizzes were impossible and if you’re reading this, Hi. Thanks for the good grades.

15. Mariska Hargitay —-> Olivia Benson

Everyone already calls you Olivia Benson. I also want to add, I got the spelling of her name right on the first try. Who is stupid now, John Doucheface Fatwad??


16. Mrs. Fields —-> Ms. Fields

Be your own woman.

I can’t believe this is what she looks like. She could be in Grease or something.

17. Jenny Craig —-> Mrs. Fields

Everyone loves cookies and hates exercising. Jump on it, Jenny.

Not Jenny Craig

18. DMX —-> DMXXX (Alt: DMSEX)

Porn. I’d watch it.

Someone’s having a bad day…

19. Papa John —-> Lil Papa John

The transition from pizza sensation to hip hop sensation doesn’t seem too difficult.

Yo, give this dude some GRILLZ

20. Oprah Winfrey —-> Oprah Winslife

She does.

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