Things I reference regularly

26 Jul

Things I reference and jokes I’ve made about those references that usually go over poorly but some of them I just wrote.


1. Eugene Levy’s eyebrows

Size does matter! Just ask Eugene Levy’s eyebrows.

2. The Sleepy’s jingle

Trust Sleepy’s for the rest of your life.  I have trust issues.

3. That time I barked at Tyra

Remember that time I barked at Tyra?

4. The Casey Anthony decision

Is this tweet about the Casey Anthony decision too much?

5. Fracking

Yea, I know a lot of people who care about fracking. (See Alternative definitions of fracking…it is on my blog)

This picture makes very little sense to me.

6. My blog posts

See Alternative definitions of fracking…it is on my blog

7. Not the Bible

Have you read the latest Cosmo? 

I’ve always wanted to own his orgasm.

8. That time I met Billy Mays

Billy Mays. RIP.

9. Going to Quaker high school

I went to Quaker high school…so yeah, I know a thing or two about Quaker high schools. 

I’m the one circled. I’ve aged well though so if you want to date me or something I’m more attractive than that. Email me at

10. My brother’s political views

My brother is a Libertarian or something like that…. 

11. People from reality television

Omarosa, [winner of America’s Next Top Model], New York from Flavor of Love, Daisy from Rock of Love

12. Anchorman (I still reference Anchorman)

Milk was a bad choice OR pants party BUT NOT I love lamp…I think we’ve all moved on from I love lamp.

13. Other people’s tweets

I saw this really good tweet once…none of you guys care…

14. Full House

You got it dude! (Alt: What were the names of the twin boys? [Alt alt: How do you spell Uncle Jesse’s last name])

15. The smell of Old Navy

Yo, smells like Old Navy up in this bitch.

16. The smell of Subway sandwich shops

Why do Subway sandwich shops smell like that? AM I RIGHT? Holla.

17. My friend with Tourette’s

My friend has Tourette’s. 


Gonna make a profile, I’m Jewish, isn’t that just hilarious?! 

This hug is extremely awkward.

19. “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus

Nodding my head like yeah, moving my  hips like yeah.

20. Being a bully in high school

Remember that time when I spread a rumor that GLAM stood for “girls love African men” because they all hooked up with the 4 black boys that attended my Quaker high school. That was my best rumor.

I’m the one circled. I’ve aged well though so if you want to date me or something I’m more attractive than that. Email me at

Uninteresting 1

25 Jul

I’m pretty uninteresting today. I flossed.

Here is a screen shot I took. It is both depressing and depressing.


Enjoy that. I also watched 2 hours of Virgin Diaries a show about virgins on TLC. My friend and her mom argued about the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists while I ate soup.


TV show best friends who are better than my best friends

24 Jul

1. Gerald

Hey Arnold (1996-2004)

2. Patrick Star

Spongebob Squarepants(1999-present)

3. Chandler Bing


4.Monica Geller


5. Phoebe Buffay

Friends (1994-2004)

6. Joey Tribbiani (10 stars out of 10)

Friends (1994-2004)

7. Rachel Green (hair)

Friends 1994-2004

8. Ross Geller

Friends 1994-2004

9. Big Rick

Flavor of Love(2006)

10. Olmec

Legends of the Hidden Temple ( 1993-1995)

11. Abed

Community (2009-present)

12. BJ Otter

PB & J Otter (1998)

13. Marshall Erikson

How I Met your Mother (2005-present)

14. Franklin Delano Bluth

Arrested Development (2003-2006)

15. DJ Jazzy Jeff

Fresh Prince of Bel Air (1990-2006)

16. Dotcom (Not Grizz)

30 Rock (2006-present)

17. Cookie

Sesame Street (1969 [lol]-present)

18. Nursing homes

CSPAN (1979-present)

19. Sean Hunter

Boy Meets World (1993-2000)

20. Kelly Clarkson (she’s probably a good friend)

American Idol (2002-present) 

Product names I dislike

23 Jul

1. Orajel

2. Fancy Feast

3. Lactaid and lactose intolerant people in general just kidding never change

4. Bengay

“Non-greasy cream” I’m throwing up.

5. TomTom

Second base.

6. Funyuns

7. Joy

8. Sunny Delight

9. Mr. Clean


10. Just for Men

LOL. IT’S OBAMA!!!!!!!!!

11. Hyundai

12. Triscuits (I just don’t like Triscuits)

13. Radio Shack (Might not be a brand)

14. Mucinex

Especially anthropomorphized mucus

15. Ped Egg

16. Dulcolax

17. Pretty much every other laxative or “stool softener”

18. Yaz, Yazmin or Ocella

If you or a loved one take Yaz, Yazmin or Ocella call 1800-BAD-DRUG. That’s 1800-BAD-DRUG

19. No! No! Hair

20.  Sea-Monkeys (is the name of the brand)

“World’s favorite InstaPet” Are there other InstaPets? I’m freaking out.

21. Fushigi Magic Gravity Ball

The Facebook interests of a boy I went on one date with

22 Jul

I had a bad job interview and then I saw Madagascar 3 by myself. Then I drank at a bar by myself. I met this guy. We talked about Bowfinger. We went on a second date. We talked about Bowfinger. He brought me Godiva chocolates. He called them “truffles.”

These are his actual Facebook interests. (He defriended me after I told him I didn’t want to go out with him again. No hard feelings, Chirag.)

1. Guitar

2. Music

3. Political Science

4. Keynesian economics

5. Social justice

This picture also came up for “political science”

6. Yoga

He does this.

7. Drumming

8. Weight training

9. Bike riding

Like this but he’s Indian.

10. Sleeping

This guy looks like Mark McGrath.

11. Cool sunglasses

12. Being awake

13. Fortune cookies

14. Being an internet geek

Like this but he’s Indian.

15. Being a Star Wars geek

16. Drinking

17. Bacon

18. Political debate

19. Psychology


7 Bar mitzvah boys as Lindsay Lohan

21 Jul







Free association on “pregnancy”

21 Jul


Birth control





Me circa 2003

Puddle of Mudd


Me circa 2004


I literally remember nothing about Incubus


Memory foam






Dunkin Donuts

America 🙂

Statue of Liberty


Copper-t IUD

No baby



Life is a beautiful thing, right?

Google image results for “pregnant woman scooter”

Google image results for “pregnant woman hotdog”

Google image results for “woman sexy hotdog”

Google image results for “fat man scooter”

Google image results for “burrito man”  This one was actually pretty good but had nothing to do with pregnancy


Google image results for “scooter hotdog pregnant”

Hot Dog the Movie. 

Betty White

No clue what this is

Also, Incubus